Photo Essay

Alif & I apparently are big goofballs since we both look a little crazy here. We were about to serve Canaan his chocolately and rose-decorated birthday cake.

Cute pic of Grandma P. and Canaan at his Birthday party. It was a cupcake theme and you can see two of them peeking at you in the bottom of the pic there. Thanks Lynette for frosting them for me!!

We were hanging around last night in the living room and Canaan laid on his back very still. A few minutes later he rolled over and went to sleep, right there on the living room floor. I had to take a quick pic before I carried him up to his bed.

One day we tried making a meatloaf without a loaf pan, because I couldn't find one. Isn't it pretty? Caris asked me to take a picture of her with it because we were having such a good laugh about how it looked. Luckily it looked a lot more attractive sliced up and tasted even better. Don't worry Mom, I'm not bringing meatloaf for dinner tonight.

Sometimes we stick his little hair up just for fun. Don't you love the Pedipeds Grandma B. got him for his Birthday? He does too. He brings them to me and asks me to put them on.

Canaan really, really likes his big brother. Malachi's almost like a third parent to Canaan. They're very close, and Canaan will go to Malachi for comfort instead of me sometimes.

On Canaan's Birthday I climbed into the tub with him and had Malachi take a picture of us. This is where it all began! He was born in this very tub one year ago today (2/4). Doesn't he look thrilled to be reminiscing with me?

I love him.

10 years ago today, Alif & I were married. We had fallen in love nearly four years prior and finally the right time had come. I can't exactly figure out my feelings today. I'm amazed that ten whole years have gone by so quickly. I feel kind of like I do when my kids have a birthday - in awe, excited, wistful and even a little depressed. Like I said, I can't figure this out. It could be that I'm tired because I was literally up half the night with a sick baby. While I was awake, in fact, I was composing a blog in my head about my husband. Oh, I love him. I love him so much I have butterflies in my stomach thinking of it. Maybe I could stop worrying about my lack of excellent writing skills and just say what I want to say without wondering if anyone will enjoy it.

When Alif & I met we were so young. I was 19, he was 20. We'd both experienced a lot out of life already and I think we both knew almost immediately that we were meant to be together. We spent every spare moment together. We laughed, oh how we laughed! He brought me little romantic gifts. He met my parents, and my Dad pinched his butt and my Mom said he looked like one of the New Kids on the Block.

In 1995 I had a moderately bad car accident. Alif became a nurse overnight and along with my Mom, he tended to my every need. He painted my toenails, took me where I needed to go, even convinced me to go on outings in a wheelchair. He was so tender and sweet. I think this is when I really fell in love with him. Really knew, I mean, that I didn't just enjoy him, I really really loved him.

The years went by and we continued to fall further in love. We grew and changed and stuck together. We had hard times and good ones.

One Valentine's Day, I think in about 1997, Alif orchestrated the most romantic Valentine's I could imagine. He invited me over for dinner, and when I arrived I was amazed to see how he'd transformed his home into a Valentine dream come true. There were flowers everywhere, a special little table set up in the study with china and fancy napkins and candles and gifts. He'd done this funny, cute thread craft that made a heart on cardboard with strings. He'd cooked a fantastic meal and served me like I was a queen. I couldn't believe it - I was sure he was going to propose and I sat nervously through the whole meal. We finished eating and he slid a small black box across the table. I maybe even had tears in my eyes as I nervously opened it . . . to find a small, gold, engraved clock. I cried. He sat anxiously, wondering if I liked the gift - was I crying tears of joy or what was going on? Somehow I told him that I'd thought it was a ring and he comforted me. It didn't help. We ended up in a huge, outrageous fight. Ha! Yeah, it's actually funny looking back on it. (Though I won't bore you with it here, his eventual proposal was truly romantic and a dream come true.)

So time went on and it was time to get married, and we did. And we had a baby. Then another one. We hit hard times. Alif was going to school and working, both full time. I was alone with my two precious sons almost all the time, and I was lonely for my husband and exhausted with the workload of raising two toddlers by myself. We hit crisis. We fell apart at the seams, and it took a lot of hard work to get back to a place where we felt solid as a couple again. God is merciful and good, and we did.

I got pregnant again, and it was such an answer to prayer - not just having another baby but what that signified in our marriage. We were totally back on track and in love and so incredibly thankful for God's grace on our marriage. We named our daughter Caris, Greek for Grace.

Last year our fourth blessing came along and in some only-God-can-do-this way, I think in the last year of our marriage I have fallen more in love with Alif than ever before. I so respect who he is as a man. He works hard, really hard and never complains about it. He supports me as a teacher, mother and friend. He STILL makes me laugh literally every day. He says kind things. He calls me several times a day just to see how our day is going or to tell me some little thing that happened while he was out. He lays on the living room floor and watches movies on his laptop while I watch TV. He loves our kids, oh my GOSH he loves those kids.

So last night. Canaan woke up whining right at the time Alif came to bed. I was so tired, I just waited for Alif to go get him. He sat at the edge of the bed and I could tell he was listening to see if Canaan was going to settle in or keep crying. As soon as the whining turned to a cry he went and got him. He brought him into the bed and lined him up perfectly to nurse. Poor baby couldn't nurse because his nose was stuffy. Alif reached over and pulled the baby close to him. He slipped his hand up under baby's pajama top and stroked him softly. Canaan stopped whining, soothed by Daddy's touch. Eventually Daddy's touch didn't work any more and I spent the rest of the night trying to nurse him, carrying him around so he could be upright, dozing . . . when we all woke up in the morning Daddy rubbed baby's back and said, "Poor Mommy." I said, "Poor baby." He said, "Happy 10-year Anniversary."

I know it's corny but I'm just totally overwhelmed with how much I love that man. We both have our faults, and sometimes I want to make his head into a waffle, but I love him dearly. He is such a gift to me.

He's called several times today, just to see what I am doing and how my day is going and to say "I love you". I love you too, I really really do.

Are you Patriotic?

I am, and I really enjoyed these little girls' rendition of our National Anthem.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKCVS57j284

Don't bother the baby

Canaan & I are both sick today. We're not terribly sick. Canaan's whiny and grouchy and I'm mostly just tired. I have spent a good part of the morning tending to little mister's needs and yet he cries. Or whines. Well yay . . . he just found a whole bunch of little books all over the living room floor and he is ON A MISSION! He's walking into the living room, picking up one or two, walking back to the kitchen and depositing them into my kitchen drawer. He's made at least 10 trips so far. Hooray for a project for baby!!

Moms of Many Exercise Challenge

How true Becca is when she says that we need to be fit to care for our little blessings, and to prepare our bodies for any future blessings the Lord should bestow. I am guilty of letting my body go in a huge way (pun intended) and I really do need to get crackin'. I certainly don't want to keep gaining more and more weight! Click the button above for more information.

It does all come back around, then.

One day in December I went upstairs to use my tiny little bathroom. There's nothing special about it except that it's Alif's & mine alone, and I guess that alone makes it pretty remarkable to me. This day though, something seemed a little "off". I first noticed that the floor looked a little strange. I looked closer and it actually looked dirty. What in the world, I thought - why would there be dirt all over my floor?
I was perplexed, I'll admit it. Then my eyes wandered up to the counter, where things looked a little . . . irridiscent. Is this sounding familiar at all, mother dear? All of a sudden I had a flashback to when I was about seven and had an irresistable urge to pulverize my Mom's irridiscent blue eyeshadow. And I did. And my poor mother went in to her bathroom and found irridiscent blue powder all over the place. My stomach sank. Say it isn't so. Who would pulverize my makeup?
I opened the medicine cabinet slowly and with a certain level of dread, and my fears were confirmed. Someone had pulverized. Someone had pulverized my pretty blush . . .
and also my own irridiscent blue eyeshadow. My favorite! Oh my!
I didn't even want to open up my Pink Chocolate lipstick. I was already imagining the worst. I did, though, and oh, glory! It was unharmed!
I wonder if someday Caris' (ahem, did that give away the culprit?) own precious blonde daughter will smash HER makeup to bits?

Canaan, 13 months

LOVES playing telephone. Toy phones, real phones, q-tips, his hand, a block - anything can be a phone. He holds it up to his ear, says hello ("eOOOO") and smiles and jabbers on. Then he'll throw it at me and wait in anticipation for me to say, "Hello? Oh HI! Oh ok, would you like to speak to Canaan (he smiles very big now)? Ok, here he is!" and the game starts all over again. If I'm not available he'll walk around happily talking to his telephone friend.

Calls his nurses "mum-mum", which I think is a perfect combination of Mommy and yummy. I realized tonight that it's because I would always say, "Do you want your nursie Mama?"

I love Canaan's kisses and I love when he nurses. He's too cute how he walks swinging one arm in an exaggerated fashion, and how he's just learned to hang on things. I see him hanging on the table, the couch, anything that will hold his chunky self. I love when he says his little words and the way he brings me his Pedipeds and asks me to put them on (by holding them out and saying, "uuuuhhhh? uhhhhh?") I looooove when he wakes between us in the morning and we have time alone with him, just Daddy, baby and me. I love that he's a total charmer and smiles at & talks to people when we're out.

7 1/2 A Medium Ash Blonde

My Mom & I have had a tradition for a few years now of getting our hair done together. Well, Mom's hair looks amazing at every moment with no haircuts or dyes necessary, because she's wearing a wig. I just can't bring myself to go to our hairdresser without my Mom! However, my ugly roots were really starting to show and I figured I'd better do something and fast. I chose a L'Oreal haircolor at Target today and hoped it would work. Meaning, I hoped it would make my hair a nice shade of dark blonde and not something hideous. IT WORKED! I LOVE how it looks, and for under $8, well, hooray! My hair literally feels silkier, smoother and nicer after coloring it. I straightened it with my trusty Chi and it actually looks nice! Hooray for cheap hair color!!

Errands with Kids

I generally really like running errands with my kids. It gives us concentrated time together and it's when they say some funny, sweet, profound things. Two of my kids have accepted Jesus in the car, and Caris came very, very close in the car the other day.

Today there was a song that goes, "la-de-da, la-dee-daa". Caris said, "what does la-dee-da mean?" I told her it's just a fun way to use our voices to praise the Lord and she paused, then said, "Oh, I know what it means, it means Merry Christmas." It took me a minute, but then I realized she was hearing "feliz navidad". LOL

As we walked in to Target Graham asked, "People always say, "are they all yours?" I totally LOL and said, "why do you think they say that?" He said, "because we have so many kids." ROFL BTW I really don't hear that very often, but someone had asked just that morning. It kind of cracks me up because we only have four kids. I mean, if I walked in with 8 then I guess I'd expect to hear that but four? That's not that many kids.

Family Load

"Family load" is an infamous phrase in my family, and not in a good way. As a matter of fact, if my mother reads this blog she is going to call my phone no matter the hour. She may even slip into a mild depression and feel that she has failed as a mother. Laundry is that serious to us.

I have struggled with keeping the laundry washed, folded and most of all, put away. It obviously is a job that just never ends, and with six people in my home, one of whom wears enough clothes each day to suit most men (oops, did that give him away?) for a week, I stand no chance. I've tried pretty much every laundry method I've heard about and still I have the biggest piles of laundry ever, all over my house.

A couple weeks ago I read about a lady who does her family's laundry one person's at a time. She just gathers the hamper from their room, throws it all in and ta-daaa, it's done. My nose crinkled. How could she? Jeans with blouses? Socks with pillowcases? Underwear with . . . well, anything else? No. Not happening.

Meanwhile, my talented, amazing, hard-working husband announced that the time has come! He's officially building me a laundry room to beat all laundry rooms! Ohhh, I have to tell you, this makes me smile. Right now it's about midway finished - the walls are up and drywalled. Yet to come: cabinets, black and white checked floor, shelving for all of my boxes of fabric and holiday items, a counter where I can fold and sew . . . it's going to be absolutely wonderful!!

Only one problem: do I want mountains of laundry in my gorgeous new laundry room? No I do not! Do I want laundry piling up in our bedrooms, bathroom and hallway? Most certainly I do not. Something has to give.

I sauntered casually in to my new laundry room. I looked around and no one was watching. I turned on the washer, cold water . . . added half a scoop of Purex laundry detergent. Ooh, a little rush! I was about to do something terribly naughty. Then reckless abandon: I grabbed a plaid button-up shirt and threw it in. Then another. Then a pair of red socks (I know, Mom, you can hardly bear to read this) and (ohhhhhhh nooooo, *I* can hardly bear it!) a pair of jeans. I fill that washer, all with Alif's clothes. I cannot and will not bring myself to combine his colors with his whites, but the colors are all becoming acquainted in a radical new way. A bit later, I threw all the shirts, socks and soccer shorts into the dryer and hung the jeans. A bit later still, I folded up all of Alif's clothes straight out of the dryer, into ONE PILE! I asked a boy to take them to the closet and woahhhhhhh Nellie, Alif had A BUNCH of clean clothes!

That was it. I was addicted. I've been washing family loads for over a week now. There are certain lines I will not cross - as mentioned, whites and colors never shall mix in my washer. Jeans won't mingle with delicates. New red shirts will have to fly solo. But as for the rest, it's reckless abandon (and folded and put-away laundry) all the way, baby.

Practical Advice from God

We use A Reason for Handwriting and love it. Each week the boys' writing lessons center around a verse. They practice writing letters and words from the verse and at week's end they write the verse on a pretty border sheet in their best writing, color it, and mail it off to someone they love.

This week's verse in Graham's book is, "It is hard to stop a quarrel once it begins, so don't let it start. Proverbs 17:14." All week I've been thinking how nice it is that his verse is something so truly practical for children to learn. The first time we read it Graham said, "does a quarrel live at the bottom of the ocean?" I said no, that a quarrel is an argument. I couldn't figure out what he was referring to. Well, yesterday he asked, "why DOES God not want the quarrel to grow?" I said, "Because, honey, once we start to argue sometimes it just gets bigger and meaner. It's better to just not quarrel at all." He looked truly perplexed, and all of a sudden I realized that he was asking why God does not want the CORAL to grow. ROFL! All week I thought we were doing some really great virtue training and all week Graham was trying to figure out God's gardening tips. (Or would that be husbandry tips? Are coral actually creatures? LOL)

Canaan's Pregnancy Story

Just so I can say that I warned you, this post is totally TMI. It didn't seem like it when I posted it to the due in January 2007 board because well, when you're trying to conceive a baby, nothing feels like TMI. LOL Anyway, it was fun to look back and see this today, the day my baby turned a year old!

Hi! I recognize some of you already, and shh! I haven't told most of the online community yet. LOL Here's my basic timeline:
April 1-4 regular period
April 28 TINY pink spotting, one wipe's worth
May 17-24 very light, mostly brown but some red, and definitely more than spotting, "period"
May 28 Thought I'd go ahead and start temping again and was really surprised to have a definitely post-o temp!
May 29 Another high temp. Tested and got a positive - 3x.
May 30 Another positive test
Today 2 more positive tests

So - lots of positive tests, temps high, but not really symptoms I could *definitely* say are due to pregnancy. I go in to see my OB tomorrow afternoon, and we'll see exactly what's going on then. In the meantime, any thoughts? I have 2 boys, ages 6 and 8, and a daughter who's 3. Oh - I weaned my daughter at the end of April.

Emily
Happy 3rd Birthday, Caris!
Love, Clifford the Big Red Dog



6/1/06

Well, the doctor (NP actually) said my uterus is enlarged & soft, indicative of an early pregnancy. She sent me for bloodwork which will tell them my hcg levels and date the pregnancy, and I have an ultrasound on the 16th. I'm a little frustrated to not have a more definitive answer, but I guess tomorrow we'll know more. I just wanna be able to blab!!



6/6/06

Great news! I had my u/s this morning and boy is that baby tiny, but s/he's there!! Everything looks absolutely great! We could see the heart beating -what a beautiful sight! Of course I broke into happy and relieved tears the second she said, "there's your tiny baby!" Wow!! So - I'm 6 weeks along and due January 31, 2007! Praise the Lord!!



Has anyone had spotting after a transvaginal u/s? I had mine done at 8:30 this morning (almost 12 hours ago) and (watch out, tmi) after a bm this afternoon I had a bit of pink spotting. Next time I peed, a lesser amount of pink spotting, and this last time, an even smaller amount but two tiny clots also. This pregnancy is BY FAR my most stressful!!!



6/9/06

Ok, I spotted twice after that stupid transvaginal u/s, and tiny amounts in between, but it has stopped! THANK GOD! This pregnancy has been so emotional so far. What a roller coaster! Praying for a VERY uneventful and peaceful pregnancy from here on out!



6/12/06

In all of my other pregnancies, nausea has been my main symptom, with other little things here & there. This time I don't have much nausea, thank God, but I am so tired I can barely stand it. Granted, I'll take exhaustion over nausea any day, but wow, this is insane. Yesterday I slept from 1-5 in the afternoon and still felt awful all evening. Then I slept from about 11-7. Felt fine most of the morning until 12 or so, and now I am just POOPED!!! WOW!

6/21/06
I had my first visit with my ob today (had an u/s before, and saw the NP, but this was my first visit with the actual dr). My bp was good, lost 7 pounds in the last 2 weeks (no surprise with all the nausea). He'll listen for the heartbeat next visit in 4 weeks. Nothing big, just a normal 8-week visit. :-)

7/6/06
We are meeting with a midwife on Monday to discuss a home birth. I really want to do it, my husband really doesn't. I don't know if he can be convinced or not. If not then I will hire our Bradley teacher as my doula for the hospital. Really good book recommendation that ALL expecting mothers should read, just to at least be educated: Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon.

7/11/06
I am having such a discouraged day today, I just want to cry! I keep reminding myself that my morning sickness is nowhere NEAR as bad as it was with my youngest, and I am so thankful for that. But then there's a BIG part of me that is just so blue. I have three children, and this is SUMMER, and there's so much I'd like to be doing with them, but instead I am laying around feeling sick, or laying around even when I feel ok because if I do too much (like Oh No, I might want to fold some laundry!) then I pay for it later. I think a big part of my problem today is that I only slept 3 hours last night, and that's just not good. Maybe after a nice afternoon nap I'll feel a little better. Moan, moan, moan!!

7/13/06
To all of those who are dealing or have dealt with morning sickness (all day), how are you feeding your families? We manage fine for breakfast, lunch and snacks, but dinner has been fast food for 3 solid weeks. Yesterday I remembered the crock pot, and made a delicious chicken dinner in the crockpot when I was feeling ok in the morning. Today I started chile verde in it. A friend also suggested frozen foods from the grocery store (like the Stouffers Lasagnas), which I never buy but would be a lot healthier and cheaper than fast food. Dh doesn't really have the opportunity to cook because he works and then comes home to take the boys to their sporting events, which happen almost every night (next week baseball ends, thank God!) So pass on your great tips!

7/14/06
Ok so this isn't THAT exciting but my constant struggle right now is finding a drink that satisfies my thirst but doesn't taste awful or leave a bad taste in my mouth. Iced tea! Iced tea is doing the trick!!
But what I'm *really* excited about is that we did it! We ditched the OB and signed on with the midwife! We are officially planning a home birth! I can't believe it! My first appointment with her is July 24th. Hooray, hooray, HOORAY! I dreaded calling my OB's office to cancel my appointments but they were cheerful and nice about it. Hooray again!

7/20/06
I called my insurance this morning because I wasn't clear on how our coverage worked with maternity. I had one BIG surprise when I called. I thought I had to pay 30% of everything. Well, I do - AFTER our $5,000 deductible. And let's not forget, I deliver at the end of January, so that's actually TWO $5,000 deductibles. HOLY COW! If we go with the midwife our total fee is $1900. If we don't, it looks like I will definitely have to go on Medi-Cal for pregnancy only, because I love this baby but $10,000? WOW.

7/24/06
Well, I thought we'd made a final decision to go with the midwife/homebirth, but then I agreed to go meet this doctor that my doula recommends. I figure that I need a gyn at least, so I may as well meet him. Well, he did a full annual-type exam AND an u/s right there in the exam room! Baby looked great, moving all around and a nice heartbeat. The doctor IS very kind and . . . how to say - non-condescending, which I really like. The office is like a day spa. Very nice. Now my decision is harder. :-P

7/27/06
Well, I thought I might have misheard the doctor at my last visit, but I didn't. He's going to do my main u/s at my next visit on August 16th. I'll only be 16 weeks, but they use the u/s machine with 3D & all so I hope we can tell the gender. If not I'll pay to have another one done around 20 weeks.

8/9/06
I guess whoever scheduled my ultrasound was confused, and I don't have it on the 16th after all. I thought 16 weeks seemed awfully early for the routine ultrasound! I guess it'll probably be like a month later than I thought. :-P

8/14/06
I saw my doctor today for my 15-week checkup. Everything was great! Heartbeat was loud & strong, blood pressure good, lost 4 pounds, everything's just right on track. We scheduled my ultrasound for 8/28. YAY!

Unabashed Mommy Rambling

One of Graham's best friends is Ellie. They're kind of more like siblings than friends, actually. Anyway, one day Ellie was visiting and admired the lava lamp Graham got as a Christmas gift. That was a couple weeks ago and ever since Graham's been asking me to take him to Target so he could buy her one. He had $12 left on a Target gift card, and last week he got $20 for recycling cans and bottles. Finally last night I took him to Target - just he & I. He even agreed to hold hands. He bought her a cool sparkly lava lamp that he said she would really like. This morning he asked when we can give it to her and he said, "I know that when Ellie gets a gift she laughs a lot and says 'awesome'!" I told him that God loves a cheerful giver and that I love how generous he is. He's like this on a regular basis. Very heart-warming!

Alif came home for a minute while the kids & I were doing schoolwork this morning, and asked Graham if he was feeling better. Apparently I slept through the 4 am puke-fest! Ack! Alif said he heard noise downstairs so he came down and Graham had thrown up, and Malachi was getting him some water. How nice is that? By the way, Graham's fine but next time we have a little Superbowl junk-food fest I will need to monitor the junk intake a little more closely. :-X

Canaan, 52 weeks

FIFTY TWO WEEKS! My BABY will be ONE tomorrow! Oh me, oh my!
~Walks most of the time. I love how he walks as though he has boards strapped to the outsides of each leg.
~Says, "ow" (usually when he hits my face - nice.) and "num-num!" (when he's eating or would like to eat/nurse)
~He was yelling and playing a lot when I put him down for a nap today and when I went in he was wearing only his shirt and one sock. The other sock, pants and diaper were all flung to the floor.

Homeschooling Humor

Ok, so this whole list sounds awfully bitter, but hopefully it makes you laugh at least a little. Or maybe you're guilty and it'll make you think. LOL
http://www.familyhack.com/2007/11/09/homeschooler-rant/

Know what I wanted?

Caris just got up from nap and said, "Know what I was trying to have?" I said, "No, what?" She said, "a stream." I said, "a dream?" She said, "yeah, I was trying to have a dream but I couldn't have it."

Just blame Chandra and Alison

So everyone's right: once we tried lapbooking we were HOOKED! If you're not aware, lapbooking is kind of like scrapbooking and schoolwork all rolled into one. The basic idea is to alter a file folder and fill it with all kinds of pictures, mini-booklets and things and turn it into a really cool project all around a theme. Our first lapbooks (one per child) are on Valentine's Day. I'll upload pictures (those pics up top are just random pics from Google) once I can get my camera, usb cable and computer to play nice but until then, if you're intrigued then check out these links:

I told Chandra I was overwhelmed by lapbooking and she said to just jump in. She's right! Here's a link to her blog: http://eaglestaracademy.blogspot.com/

Alison has mentioned lapbooking in the past and turned me on to http://www.handsofachild.com/ where one can purchase all sorts of ready-to-go lapbooking packs. Here's her blog: http://wayzleyacademy.homeschooljournal.net/

And here's the one we're working on now: http://www.handsofachild.com/shop/Valentines-Day-Ebook-P530.aspx

Canaan, 50 weeks

Walking about half the time now. He gets so excited and laughs and walks with his tongue out!
Four molars are on their way (not poking through yet)
When he wants something he yells, "Ma-MA! MOM! MA MA MA!!" LOL
Wearing size 18-24 months, size 5 shoes, Large diapers

LOL-ers Only

Christian Tim Hawkins - really cute bit on what would happen if corporations got ahold of our favorite worship music.

It's over!

HE NURSED!!!!! He nursed! He nursed!! Praise the Lord, he nursed!

53 hours

It's been 53 hours since my son last nursed. I probably sound pathetic to most anyone who might read my blog, and I just don't care. I'm hysterical, I'll admit it. I'm sure my hormones are a little wacky because of the lack of nursing, and I'm just completely irrational at this point. I've read it all and know nursing strikes are fairly common, usually last 2-4 days, etc. I just can't get over this and how much it's upsetting me. Alif made a joke about it this morning and I could have shoved him out a window. Seriously. I'm reading on the LLL website and this girl understands the gravity of how I feel about this:

I didn't know it at the time, but 12 days before this writing, my 11-month-old daughter, Dakota, stopped nursing. I wish I had known she was going to "go on strike," I would have treasured every moment of it. I would have smelled her hair, kissed her forehead, and looked into her big, beautiful eyes, savoring every second of our special time together.

Nursing strike seems like such a simple, self-explaining term. Well, that little term rocked my life and my soul. It felt as if I was mourning the death of a loved one. I was mourning the way that I mothered my child. Mothering through breastfeeding was all that I knew, and without it I felt useless, detached, defeated, and depressed. The experience was life altering.

After 12 days and nights, I woke this morning to my little angel starting to rouse. She tossed and turned and started to root. I lifted my shirt and scooted over to her as I had been doing every morning since the nursing strike began, just to give it a try. Like nothing had ever happened, she latched on. She nursed slowly and drowsily for about three minutes. I don't think I even breathed through the whole thing. I touched her head, looked into her sleepy eyes, and took one big whiff of her feathery-soft hair. With a kiss on her forehead I whispered, "Welcome back, my Angel."

Nursing Strike

As you know, Canaan is sick. He's getting better day by day but he's still congested and cranky. Add another misery to the list: he refuses to nurse. As of this minute, it's been 31 1/2 hours since he last nursed. He cries, he asks for it ("na naaa. . . . ") but as soon as it's out he arches his back and cries. Even the sight of his once-beloved nursies causes this back-arching reaction. He's miserable, I'm miserable, we're all miserable. Please be right, LLL, when you say that it shouldn't last more than 2-4 days.

Canaan's Sick

A Day in the Life

Heart of the Matter is doing a meme on A Day in the Life of a homeschooling family, so here is my contribution. http://heartofthematteronline.com/2008/01/meme-day-in-life.html

First of all, you should know that organization, routine and consistency are not my strong points! I used to have a button when when I was a little girl that I absolutely treasured. It said, "PBPGINFWMY". I guess even then I knew I was a work in progress, and even then it was the cry of my heart: please be patient - God is not finished with me yet! I think I might need a sign in my home stating this! ANYway . . . we do have a basic daily routine, and it goes like this:

Waking - 9 am: everyone gets dressed, eats breakfast, does morning chores, check e-mail

9 - 12: schoolwork, playtime, etc. I work with each of the big kids individually while the others entertain themselves or work on their own

12 - 1: lunchtime, cleanup, play

1 - 3: Quiet time! Kids nap or have quiet time in their rooms, Mom sews, goes online, reads, etc.

3 - 6: afternoon chores - each child helps me work for 30 minutes and we get most of our housework done. Laundry, dinner prep, etc.

6 - 8:30: dinner, cleanup, baths, time with Daddy, bedtime

That's about it! Pretty simple!

Canaan, 45 weeks

26 pounds (90%), 31.5" tall (above 95%)
Crawling all over, cruising along furniture and walks while holding on to our fingers
Says bath ("baaa!"), brother ("bubba!"), mama and dada
Nurses throughout the day (and often once at night) and eats solids usually 2-3 times a day, if I remember. ;-)
2 naps per day, 1.5-2 hours each. Goes to bed by 8 and wakes up for the day by 7.
Had his first haircut (by Mommy) last week. He looks like such a big boy now!
Has 8 teeth

Yeah, good idea!

It is that evening tidy-up hour and I said to the kids, "What could we do to make the house look extra-specially nice?" and Caris said, "BALLOONS!" HA HA!

Silver and Staples

I love when I enter a home that is lovingly, carefully decorated, especially when you can tell that it's happened over time and each piece has been chosen because it struck someone's eye and they had to have it. I do not feel this way about my own home yet. Especially around holidays, I tend to beat myself up for not spending more time and money to make my home into a holiday happiness that my family and friends can enjoy. I was feeling that way before Thanksgiving this year. We were having my Mom over and I felt like the house was bare, that I didn't have any special decorations planned, no beautiful Thanksgiving centerpiece, etc. I determined that next year it would be different. Then I went down to the garage for something and what did my eyes behold? A utensil tray full of dirt - AND SILVER! There was a full set of beautiful, tarnished silverware - even serving pieces! I brought it upstairs and admired it. Mom brought over some silver polish and Malachi set to work. He made every piece gleam, and it was gorgeous. Thank you Lord for such a gift!

On Saturday we celebrated Thanksgiving at Tony & Rabae's house. Now SHE had a gorgeous Thanksgiving setup! But anyway, right around 1:00 Caris fell backwards from a tug of war game and hit the back of her head on their granite hearth. Alif scooped her up and was getting some ice when I saw that there was blood down the back of her shirt. Thankfully, Tony's brother Nick was there. He is an EMT and really helped out. He said it probably needed a staple, so Canaan & Caris & I took off for urgent care. The doctor agreed, probably a staple or two. A nurse cleaned it all up (was THAT hard to watch!! but Caris laid still and quiet the whole time!) and when the doctor came back in she said it was bigger than she thought. It ended up with three staples. Watching her do that was one of the hardest things ever as a Mom. Caris was so brave, lying still and crying softly into the table. I feel like I let the doctor do something barbaric to my little girl, but what else could be done? Her scalp was gaping open and had to be fixed. It certainly could have been a lot worse, but watching her have to have staples in her head was no fun. She's healing up wonderfully and we even got to wash her hair today.

Kids' Christmas Production

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9551363592

pics

Triplets, anyone?

When the kids and I walked into the WIC office today, everyone was smiling at us. A lady who was there with her kids asked, "are they triplets?" It took me a minute to realize she was referring to Malachi, Graham and Caris. I said, "Oh - no, they're not." She said, "Oh, ok - I saw that they (Malachi and Graham) were twins and then thought that she looks a lot like them too." ROFL! I said, "Oh - they're 9, 7 and 4, but boy triplets would have been a lot of work!" Ha ha ha! I get asked A LOT if Malachi & Graham are twins, but triplets - that was a first.

He's so precious

When I look down and I can just see Canaan's big brown eyes peering up at me, or his little sausage fingers reaching up to see what he can find on top of my desk, or hear his new spitting-all-the-time exuberance, sometimes I get tears in my eyes. I remember to thank God for this most beautiful gift.

Malachi, the white Ninja (no, the colors don't mean anything, they're just generic ninja costumes)
Graham, the red Ninja (or ninya, however you prefer LOL) ;-)
Caris, the big green Dragon - my little princess ROFL
Canaan's 1st Halloween, wearing the same Pooh costume his big brothers wore
Pooh didn't make it very long. We took him to one house trick-or-treating, fed him some carrots out of the split pea soup and then he was pretty much ready for bed. Don't worry, he didn't sleep in his costume. LOL

When I grow up I want to be like my son

Malachi has always had a strong spiritual sense. He has loved the Lord from the beginning and has always craved more of Him. Well, he's 9 now and taking off in his reading and every night he asks if he can read to me. He reads the Bible to me! I don't know anyone who has a hunger for the Word like my little son does. He memorizes it, talks about it, reads it on his own and with me and even prays it. I am praying that God will give me a desire to know the Word the way my son wants to!

And totally off topic: Caris has a hernia! OMGosh! I noticed a squishy lump in her groin area at least a year ago. I mentioned it to her pediatrician. She took a look at it and didn't see anything. I'd always trusted her very much, and she's a very thorough, conservative doctor so my mind was mostly at ease. Every so often I'd see that little soft lump and wonder what it was. Well, yesterday I read a post on a message board. This Mom was talking about how her daughter's surgery had gone that day. Her daughter is Caris' age. She said something about the scar in her groin area and something about a hernia and it made me wonder how she knew her daughter had a hernia. I looked back through the archives and her original post said that she noticed a soft squishy spot in her daughter's right groin. Just like Caris, I thought. I looked it up online and Inguinal Hernia sounded exactly like what I have seen on Caris. I called the doctor's office (they go to the family doctor I have seen for years now that we left the old pediatrician's office) and they made an appointment for her to be seen today. This practitioner saw it right away and gave me a referral to a surgeon. We'll see him on 11/13, though I am wondering if our doctor's office could get us in with him any sooner than that. I am praying that Caris is either healed or that this is easy to fix and never comes back!

Canaan, 36 weeks

-started crawling a few steps at a time
-sits in the big bath and loves to splash! Mommy has to sit him down over and over as he tries to climb all over the bath
-claps hands

Ugly Pumpkin Contest

Ok, I know lots of you are wandering around pumpkin patches this time of year, and just like people, it's amazing to see the variety and to appreciate how different pumpkins can really be when you see 'em up close. But let's have a sense of humor about it and have a little contest and see who can find the ugliest pumpkin out there. E-mail me a picture of the ugliest pumpkin that *YOU FIND* (don't steal any pictures from online please, take your own). HisKids37@sbcglobal.net I'll post the pictures here and on October 25th I will take votes on which one is the ugliest! Have fun! Happy Ugly Pumpkin Hunting! Oh yeah! There's a prize! Winner will receive a $10 gift card to Starbucks! You can use it to enjoy a pumpkin spice latte with YOUR sweet pumpkin! :-)

God made gourds

On our way to soccer practice after the pumpkin patch today, Canaan was really sleepy and sweet Malachi let him hold one of the gourds he'd purchased. After a while Malachi said, "He's falling asleep sucking on that gourd, Mommy." I was like, "aww, take a picture!" I pictured him sucking on a rounded yellow end of the gourd and thought, how cute!

So imagine my surprise when I pried the gourd from him when we got to soccer practice and saw THIS! ROFL!!
I LOL so hard and just had to try to get him to latch . . .
He was all too happy to do so! LOL!

Show and Tell

Caris got a haircut today and it looks so nice & healthy! She is such a pretty girl!
Alif is a super talented artist. I wish you could see the detail in this gorgeous chalk drawing!

Pictures

Just look at those gorgeous blue eyes! My nephew Christian is the cutest thing you've ever seen!!












My dream come true!! Finally seeing both of our babies play together!!











Mr. Mischief climbing the hearth. Shari, thank you for this totally adorable monkey cover. It suits him! ;-)











Graham is looking so grown up. :*) Handsome son!













Proud Grandma at Malachi's soccer game today, holding Christian and Canaan.

Canaan, 35 weeks

-added pumpkin and honeydew melon to his eating repertoire

-chokes himself a dozen times a day on whatever little things he can find all over the ground

-gets on hands & knees and makes a move as if he's going to crawl, but just thrusts forward and grunts instead, over and over, till he gets to what he wants.

-goes from sitting to lying and back with ease

Crazy Hat Day at Awana

Me, of course, then Graham (ha ha!), Caris & Malachi

Canaan, 34 weeks

I am teaching him not to roll over during diaper changes by saying, "No no." and holding his thigh so he can't roll over. Today I said, "Canaan, NO." and did not have my hand on his thigh but he just laid there and cried like he was soooo sad. LOL I guess he's learning! (Side note: just using "no" has not worked for subsequent diaper changes. LOL)

When he is on my & Alif's bed he makes a beeline for the blinds or the alarm clock. He loves when we pull up the blinds and he can look out the window at the trees, the neighbor's dogs etc. When he plays with the alarm clock he wants the music on, but then when he turns the volume knob and the sound goes too high and startles him, he ducks into my side and looks at the alarm clock like it is mean.

I am working on having him in the nursery at church. The last two sundays he's made it about 15 minutes. ;-)

My Awesome Boys

We have been doing our schoolwork on the couch most of the time for the past few weeks, which leaves the table free for crafting endeavors on the part of those not directly involved in schoolwork at the moment. One day I noticed that Graham had some fuzzy purple stuff in his hands and knew it would be taken from him as his level of focus would probably not allow fuzzy purple stuff and also phonics practice at once. I looked over at him and he was looking at me like the picture below. I had to ROFL and take a few pictures before setting the purple stuff aside until after we were done with phonics. He is so awesome!












Malachi has been asking me to teach him to sew for eons. The other day he brought out two pieces of fabric - primary stripes and primary tie dye - and asked if he could make Caris a doll blanket. There is never a good time for something this involved, so I just said yes. He was so proud of himself sewing all on his own! When it was done he ironed it, folded it into quarters, tied a ribbon around it and presented it to Caris. What an awesome brother!

Squash is good

First I grew the butternut squash in my garden. Ok, just kidding, I should have but didn't - I just bought it at the store and baked it:










Then I scooped it out and put it into the Sunbeam-brand "magic bullet" Alif got me. LOVE THAT THING! Also added some rice cereal and breastmilk.














Poured the blended squash into ice cube trays











It's ready to eat!












And it's a huge hit!

Picture Time

Graham lost two teeth this last week!














Uh-oh! Canaan loooooves to find pieces of paper to chew up. Mr. Mischief!!












I love how contemplative he looks in this picture. He is a serene, pleasant baby.

I was IMing with Christina one day and heard "mmmm, mmmm, mmmmm, mmmm" from the living room and found Canaan like this. ROFL

Thank you Mom and Rod for the gift cards for my Birthday! Here's one outfit I picked out:

Canaan asleep in my arms at soccer this last Saturday

Canaan, 33 weeks

Tooth #6 poking through


Gets on hands & feet with ankles crossed


Loves "his" new BabyHawk mei tai baby carrier - will often fall asleep in there snuggled up close to Mommy

Goes from sitting to lying on tummy, though not always gracefully. LOL Also learning to go from lying on tummy to sitting up (only once successfully so far - one leg usually gets stuck facing backwards LOL)

Canaan, 32 weeks

Varies his sleep positions. I have found him sleeping on his back and on his side. He still mostly prefers his tummy.

Lots of rocking on hands & knees, and a few scoots forward. Still mostly backwards, sideways and in circles.

Learned the art of ripping off diapers. Joy!

Canaan, 31 weeks

~Has 5 teeth now! 3 on top, 2 on bottom.
~Had a weird week with Mommy's hospitalizations but did great. He even drank down a whole bottle during the last one.
~Still doing great sleeping all night in the crib. I guess we could say that Caris & Canaan officially share a room!
~Added peaches and oatmeal to his repertoire

Third Time's a Charm

There was more than enough drama in my home last Monday and Tuesday with the whole afib thing. Well, Saturday night I put the kids to bed, visited with Alif and went upstairs for bed. I laid in bed reading my Gospel Wheel Scriptures to recite for our Awana kick-off meeting and then turned out the light and laid down to sleep. I don't know how much time went by, or if I was fully asleep or not, but my heart started pounding. Oh no, I was sooo scared! Not this again, not this again! This is exactly what I had been so afraid of. I went downstairs and told Alif it was happening again and to make a long story short, I ended up in the ambulance and back in the emergency room. I was not in afib, my heart was just racing, and my heart checked out fine. I felt pretty happy about that, though I wondered why it'd started to pound like that in the first place. Seriously, as soon as we left the hospital I started to feel weird. My hands and feet were tingly and I felt lightheaded. I mentioned it and Alif suggested that we go back but I thought no, let's just see how it goes. IT DID NOT GO WELL. We got home from the hospital at 3:30 am and I laid there feeling absolutely horrible all the rest of the night. I had diarrhea, I felt numb, chest pressure and pain coming and going, heart felt like it was pounding, blood pressure was all over the map as was my pulse . . . it just felt like ok so I may not be in afib but what in the world is going on, because something is not right. Finally around 10:30 I asked Alif to take me back to the hospital. He did, and my Mom met me there. They took me straight back to triage, and straight back to a bed. The nurse hooked me up to some oxygen and a heart monitor and said, "This isn't afib." I was having some premature beats of some sort but my heart was doing fine. Another long story short, Jan from church came (bless her!) and between my Mom, Rod, Jan and the doctor we basically summed it up that a) my heart is doing fine and b) anxiety is causing this to keep happening - the heart pounding, anxiety, tingling hands, all of it. I've been so afraid of going into afib that I'm causing my heart to go a little bonkers. He sent me home with an anti-anxiety medication that I have taken 3x. Between the medication and the knowledge I gained during that last visit, I feel so much better. Also Mom sent me some awesome verses that I printed for my desk.

Health issues STINK!!

I was tagged

Hey thanks Theresa! I don't think I've ever been tagged. :-)

1)What is your school name and why?
Prince of Peace Academy. When we made the decision to homeschool, I knew we had found peace. We had struggled and struggled trying to figure out which educational option was the best one, and it was such a peaceful feeling knowing we had heard God's voice. He is our Prince of Peace!
2)How is your weather today?
Hot. It was a very hot day for our first day of the 2007 soccer season.
3)What steals your joy?
Stress
4)Name five blessings you received this week.
1) Love and caring when I had my medical scare
2) Love and caring for my Birthday!
3) I hesitate to call this a blessing, but my brother lost a very dear friend this week and the blessing part is that it reminded me how blessed I really am to have my awesome husband.
4) Smiles, hugs and fun with each of my kids
5) I know I kind of already said this in #1 but it *really* blessed me when my Mom took off work to help me after my afib incident, and that Alif and his parents took amazing care of my kids.
5)Favorite Scripture
He is faithful to complete the good work he began in me. Amazing!
6) Who in the Bible do you think are most like?
That is a hard one. I'm not sure!
7)The passage of scripture you read last:
Matthew 1. I read on a postcard from church that we'll do Acts this year and it would be a great continuation of Matthew, so I thought I would refresh on Matthew.
8) Have you ever praised God for something weird?
Oh, I'm absolutely sure I have. I don't know what at the moment. LOL
9) If you were making a greeting card for God what would it say.
Oh my, it would be the longest greeting card ever but at the top it would say, "I LOVE YOU!"
10) What is the best miricle God has performed in your life, or what is your favorite answered prayer?
Best miracle I know of is that he works in my life nonstop. He never gives up!
11)what is the most fun thing you have done lately.
Laughed until I cried!
12) How did you choose your screen name.
We are God's children and we were married 3/7.
Now I get to play tag!
1 Megan http://www.megmills.blogspot.com/
2 Lynette http://aviewfrommywindow.blogspot.com/
3 Tammy http://bakomom.blogspot.com/
4 Barbie http://www.justinandbarbie.blogspot.com/
5 Raquel http://mopsmommyof4.blogspot.com/

Atrial Fibrillation

On Monday we were having a great day! I was rearranging my dining room, playing with the kids, just having a nice day. We were taking the day off school for Labor Day. At about 12:30 I went upstairs with Canaan and laid down to nurse him for his nap. All of a sudden I started to have heart palpitations and it was beating so hard and just felt out of control. I turned quickly to my stomach and thought, "what is going on??" Then I started to feel faint. I yelled for Malachi to bring me the phone and he called back, "which one?" I said, "ONE THAT WORKS! QUICKLY!" He rushed up and said, "what do you need it for?" I said, "I need to call 911" and he said, "what do you need to call it for?" I called and told them what was going on. I was very scared! I told them I was home alone with four children and he said, "It's ok, ma'am, we'll call law enforcement. They will be fine". Whaaaaaaat? That made me realize that Alif's parents are right across the street so I told Graham, "Go get Grandma and Grandpa". I made my way downstairs (I don't remember this, but Malachi says I told him to take Canaan downstairs) and waited. Fred came over and got the kids and Chamil came and sat with me until the paramedics arrived. What an embarrassing, scary experience. My house was a mess, I was unshowered and in pajamas . . . ugh! They put me on oxygen right away, asked a million questions and loaded me up. On the way to the hospital the paramedic got the IV going and then said, "I'm going to give you a medication that's going to stop your heart for a fraction of a second and it's going to be uncomfortable." Woah, scary! I said, "Is it going to be painful?" He said, "Yes." I said, "How painful?" He said, "It might hurt a lot." GAAA! It wasn't, though. It made my arms and legs hurt but just for a second. I felt so out of it, weak, tired, unclear.

Once I got to the emergency room they just kept asking a million questions and gave me a bunch, bunch more medication. They said my heart rate was fluctuating between 185-200. No wonder I felt so icky! Someone else told me later that it was 220 in the ambulance. After about 3-4 hours it was below 100 and I felt A LOT better, though still very tired & weak. They let Alif come back after about an hour. It felt like forever. They ran a bunch of tests and oh by the way, I had to use a bed pan several times. How's that for embarrassing?? My HUSBAND had to help me with the bedpan! The nurse offered to, of course, but I think I'd rather my own husband help me than some nurse I don't even know - and who was a man, btw.

I was in the emergency room from about 1 till 7:30 or so. I finally got a room on the cardiac floor (I think I was the only patient under age 80) and let me tell you, sinking into that bed was wonderful. Being on a hard gurney all day was not comfortable. I'd had lots of tests done (EKG, chest x-ray, labs) and I was just so tired. They hooked me up to a portable heart monitor that went into a pocket in my gown and that was basically it. No water, no food, but the IV still in. A nurse came out and took the IV out at some point and then it was nice to be able to get up and go to the restroom without the IV pole. I really did not sleep much at night at all. It was so loud in there. I finally fell asleep just before 5 am and the EKG tech came in with a very cheerful voice: "Emily? Hi honey, it's me, Nancy! I'm here to do another EKG, ok?" Then right after her, my CNA came in to do all my vitals - again - and then right after that the hall cleaner came by. AAAAaaaaaa!

Ohh! I forgot! The first doctor who saw me said I could not breastfeed because of the medications I was on. I asked my ER nurse to write all of them down and he very kindly did! I called LaMonica and asked her to look them up in Hale's and guess what? They were all fine!! Alif brought Canaan to me at night to nurse, and 3x the next day, and I pumped like 5-6 times too. Yay!

Ok - so the next day, I waited. I finally got to eat, YAY! I was exhausted but relieved that I wasn't having any more palpitations or anything. My Mom was there all day and we had a nice time chatting. I finally had my Echo at about 4:30 or so and saw the cardiologist at about 6-6:30. He was not helpful. He just smiled and said we'd probably never know what caused the a-fib, that I could go back to life as usual and we'll see you in 2-3 weeks. Umm, not that reassuring! So we went through the discharge process and ohhhhhh I am soooo happy to be HOME!! That first night home I was very, very paranoid. I had that heart monitor on for two days and it was a good feeling to know that at least if something happened they would know it right away. It's creepy to think of something like that happening again, and I still feel like I don't have any answers. I did talk to my friend Jan today, who's a nurse in cardiac recovery, and she had GREAT info and gave me some names of cardiologists. I was able to get in with her favorite within about 2 weeks, so that's good.

Life is precious. I had tears in my eyes in that emergency room, thinking oh my gosh, what if this is it? What if watching my kids leave the house with Fred while I was slumped on the couch was the last time I saw them? The last time they saw ME? I know that my days are in God's hands, and I know that whatever plan He has for me is GOOD. But I'm still human. I'm a wife, a Mommy, a daughter, sister, friend . . . God has blessed me with people I adore and it was so weird to think of the possibility of leaving them all so suddenly. I am thankful that He did not take me home on Monday, as weird as that sounds. I hope that his plan for me includes raising up my children, but I trust His will.

I hope I never go through this again!!!!


http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/Atrial-Fibrillation/Atrial-Fibrillation-Overview

Carrots

Canaan's first time trying carrots - he likes them!
I don't know what it is about carrots but they make him laugh!
Last night Uncle Tony said Canaan has intelligent eyes. I'm not sure what that means exactly but they are beautiful for sure!

Canaan, 30 weeks

~Sleeping all night in the crib. I miss looking over and seeing him in the pack & play but we're both sleeping better and that I enjoy very much.

~Leans to the side when upright, like the wants to see this world from a different angle. So cute!

~Started a funny "cheeese" smile complete with squinty eyes. Funny baby!

~Got his 3rd tooth! Upper left center. His little gums actually bled as it came though. Owie!