December 6, 2015. We're heading into the third Christmas season without my Mom. Most of the time now, I'm fine. I feel the hole she left every single day, and many days I still just can't believe she isn't here. But certain things put me in that very sad, very blue place.
Today I have the house to myself, and I put on the Nutcracker Suite Pandora station. Some things I think will just always remind me of my mom, and the Nutcracker is certainly one of them. So I was folding laundry, and thinking of the many times we went to see the Nutcracker, and how much she loved the ballet, the music, dressing up, and nutcrackers themselves ("nuttus"). Then I started thinking about how I can't believe I'm about to graduate nursing school, and how much I wish she would be there. For whatever reason, my class chose me to give a speech at pinning. All of a sudden, standing there, folding laundry, listening to the nutcracker, I could picture my Mom's face so vividly in the audience at my pinning. Of course she would be crying, but she would be smiling too. She would be so proud. She was always proud of me, as though every little accomplishment was something huge. To her, it was. As a mom of older children now, I can relate. There are so many available choices. So many roads our kids can choose. Every right choice, every step toward God's will, is a cause for celebration. It's a moment that you feel, in your tired mama heart, that the effort is worthwhile. That God is carrying those kids, just like He promises He will.