Lunch Conversations, Etc.

I was sitting on the couch nursing Canaan after errands today and the kids were eating lunch at the table and I overheard:
Caris: What's a Barbarian?
Graham: A Barbarian is a very uncontrolled person.

A couple days ago Megan told me she is going to paint a bench in her garden periwinkle. I thought that sounded so cute, and also thought of the long bench we have in our back yard that desperately needs painting! Today we went out and got periwinkle paint! :-) As we approached the checkstand, an employee was standing at the entrance of the self-check area. He was singing opera-style. As we got closer he changed to a peppier singing style and sang out to us, "the self-check stand is reaaadyyyy, the self-check stand is ready!" Isn't it great to have fun with even the most mundane chores? I mean really, not only is HIS life more fun but he made ours more fun today too. What better way to delight a bunch of children and their Mommy than to sing to them as they shop? He he!

Alif bought Caris a couple of dresses last weekend and they were too short so we went and exchanged them today. I made her try them on before her nap and sat admiring her beautiful self while she posed for silly pictures. Oh, that girl, how I love her! :*)

Canaan was really sick with bronchitis but he is improving daily. He's still got a gunky cough but he's happier and sleeping better and crying much less. It was awful seeing my usually so-happy boy so decidedly UNhappy!

Canaan, 12 weeks

-got Bronchitis and was quite miserable. One night he was crying for about 45 minutes and the next morning Graham told me he had a dream that Canaan was crying and crying and crying. LOL

-One morning he woke up and cooed in a complaining voice instead of crying. Yay!

-Smiles & laughs when I sing to him. Aww!

-Falls asleep sucking on his fingers or fist

-Started using Denorex for cradle cap. It's helping some but not as much as I hoped.

Nature

As we were getting out of the car yesterday, I looked down and saw this on our driveway. ROFL! It looks just like a mouse but it's really just a piece of wood and a pine needle.











Graham came running in this morning to tell me of this interesting find. To give you a size comparison, the egg is resting on regular-sized bricks.

Grammy-Mammy

Graham cracks me up. He has such a fun vocabulary for a 7-year-old! He was setting up a Polly Pockets "store" the other day and I asked him how he would get people to choose his store. He said he would just tell people he had the best products. Then I told him that I'm having a hard time selling Canaan's small diapers and asked how he thought I could get people to buy them. He said, "Tell them they're good diapers." I said that I had already done that and he said, "Tell them you're selling them at reasonable prices." LOL

And in other Graham news, he has a loose top front tooth! :*)

Canaan, 11 weeks

-starting to be frightened by sudden loud noises. Like, I sneezed and he cried
-makes his voice go up and down and so expressive when he "talks" to me
-had his two-month well-baby visit. Up to 16 lbs 5.5 ounces (97+%) and 25.5" (97+%)
-had his first two shots: HiB and DTaP. He was a little fussy/restless for about a day after and woke in the night once a night for the next three nights, around 3-4 am. Boy that makes Mommy tired when she's not used to it! Yawn!
-like his cousin Christian, Canaan loves changing time! He smiles & coos and loves the one-on-one attention. I remember Malachi screaming during every change for the first couple months! LOL

-learned to blow bubbles

-got his birth certificate! I love how under place of birth it says "Home". :*)

Canaan, 10 weeks

-We went to a party one night and he was calm the whole time, but then he cried for 5-10 minutes inconsolably when we got home. I guess he was totally overstimulated!
-Sleeping through every night, usually about 11 hours
-Had one catnap day followed by two very sleepy days
-Slept almost all the way through church in Auntie Lynnie and then Mommy's lap. I was nursing and then there was applause that woke him up and scared him. Poor baby!

I'm so lucky

I was lying on my bed this evening nursing Canaan before putting him to bed and I noticed that his little sleeve was covering about half of his hand. I fixed the sleeve up for him and suddenly felt awash with thankfulness. How lucky am I that it's ME who gets the privilege of taking care of this precious baby's needs for him? Man! Then I started thinking about how blessed I am that I'M the one who gets to spend all day with him and see and know every detail of who he is. The way his little fingers curl into fists, and then how his fingers look like little sausages when he stretches them out. The way his eyelashes curl up and just slightly outward, and how the very outer ones stick to his skin sometimes, and how they're so fine and soft that if he cries and I wipe his tears, the little hairs stick to his lower eyelid until he opens up his eyes. Even the pattern of his forehead hairs and the way his tummy rises and falls with each breath, and how his legs are very, very still as he falls asleep while he nurses. Oh! I love this baby! I tear up just thinking about the wonder of it all - and then I think of the God who created him, and I wonder how can anyone love a baby this much and yet not adore the God who gave such a wondrous gift? I literally cannot resist kissing that smooth, soft forehead, stroking that sticky-uppy hedgehog hair, and I think of how much I want to hug the God who made him. Then I looked down at my love and his eyes were fluttering closed, and do you know that I actually teared up because I knew this was it, that he was out for the night and I wouldn't see him until tomorrow? I am getting cornier and cornier with every baby I have!!

The week in pictures

Canaan, 9 weeks











Caris, such a sweet little Mommy to her Tiger Lily!















Smiley Boy










Canaan found his thumb while Daddy was holding him

Canaan, 9 weeks

Two months old already! Oh my goodness! Canaan is so adorable!! Here's what he's doing this week:
-Slept through the night every night but one! Long nights, too - usually about 7 pm to 6 am!
-Laughed!! Definitely one of my favorite milestones! We were laying on my bed face to face and he cooed and then giggled in his low baby voice. I laughed so hard and got tears in my eyes, it was so precious! I even called Alif to share. :-)
-Had his first Easter!

Malachi is Nine

My precious baby boy is nine. Nine. How have nine years passed by already? I completely sound like every other mother, and now I know why . . . God knits our hearts to our children in such an amazing way, but it doesn't only bond us to our children, it bonds us with other mothers. And it's a good thing, too, because when our little birds fly away we will need one another to cling to as we watch the babies soar. There's one line of one song that so describes how I feel . . . "I'll have tears as you take off, but I'll cheer as you fly". The entire song is my absolute heart's cry as a mother (Find your Wings by Mark Harris).

Some days feel so long, but as I reflect today on nine years of my son's life, it's just so fast. It's just not that much time that I really get to devote myself to growing this child into a young man who will love the Lord above anything and anyone else. It's just . . . so . . . fast.

I think of my Mom - every year she says, "this time nine years ago . . . " or "this time seventeen years ago . . . " or now, "this time thirty-two years ago . . . " I look forward to hearing the story every year. I love knowing that the day I was born was special to my Mom, so special that it's forever imprinted on her heart. Of course it is! So, I do the same thing. I tell each of my kids their birth story each year. And just in case Malachi ever forgets, here's his:

I was due March 23, but that date passed right by and still no baby. I took off work right before my due date, assuming the baby would come any time. He didn't! I puttered around the house cleaning, straightening things, looking at the baby items we'd carefully collected, reading child care books. I washed the clothes and hung them neatly in the closet, stacked up all the changing pads and arranged the diapers just so. I washed the bassinet (pack n play) sheet and set it up where I wanted it. One day CC came in and jumped into the pack n play and I screamed so loudly at her, she never went near it again. LOL When a week had gone by and no baby, I washed the sheet again so it would be nice and fresh for Baby. I think I did that at least 2 or 3 times.

I saw the doctor when I was 40 weeks and she said it was time to schedule my induction! I hated the idea so much, but it's what she said to do, so I did it. She told me to call on the evening of March 31st and see if the Birth Center had room for me. I thought, I'm not calling them and having my baby on April 1st! When I called, they said I could come if I wanted to. I didn't want to, and so I didn't. I called on April 1 and they had plenty of room for me. We went out to dinner at an Italian restaurant in town and I was so nervous I hardly ate. I saw an old co-worker/friend and she was so excited for me!

We arrived at the Birth Center and checked in, but they didn't have a room ready yet so we sat in the waiting area for a long time. I was so nervous that every minute felt so awful. I felt a *little* bit better when we got a room. I did not really like the doctor who came in. It was late at night, after 10, and he didn't explain much at all. He just said he was going to put some gel on my cervix that would help it to get ready, and he said nothing would happen until morning. He said they would come in the next morning and put a second dose, and that if nothing happened still then they would start Pitocin later on. All of that basically sounded pretty awful to me.

We tried to get some rest, and I'm sure Alif did but I certainly did not. I was having some contractions, but nothing serious or painful. After a few hours, though, they did start to get rather uncomfortable. I called the nurse in and she gave me a sleeping pill and told me to get some rest. I took the sleeping pill but definitely did not sleep. The contractions got stronger and stronger, and I started to really get concerned. The breathing methods we had learned in Lamaze did nothing but get me riled up. I couldn't relax and I was scared. As the hours went by, I wondered how much worse it would get and how I would handle it. I asked for an epidural and the nurse said I wasn't dilated far enough for one. I asked her to check me so often she got irritated and would say, "It is not time yet. It's only been half an hour, and you need to stop asking me to check you so often." Ugh, I was so frustrated and upset!

Early morning I really thought there was no way I could make it through this. The nurse was telling me it would be at LEAST late afternoon, and I thought, no way. I cannot do this. Then my water broke! Alif said, "are you sure?" and it struck me so funny - I mean, there was a pop and water gushing out - I was SURE. Of course there was no laughing at this point - labor got REALLY SERIOUS after my water broke. This was at about 7:15 am. I called the nurse in and she checked me and said I'd dilated just about to a 3, so we could get an epidural now. YAY! I was so happy! Only thing though, the anesthesiologist was busy and he didn't get into the room until about 7:45. He got me all ready and by about 8:00 the epidural was in. I was still at a 3 when he started. A few minutes later I said that I had a lot of pressure, a LOT of pressure. The nurse dismissively said, "Ok hon, try and relax." The anesthesiologist was at the foot of the bed writing on something and he looked up and said, "Baby's crowning." Woah! Mad rush was ON! Nurses bustling, doctor called, bassinet wheeled in. At 8:10 am, after just a couple of pushes (if you could even call it that - I couldn't control it at all) my baby was born! I remember feeling like it was THE BIGGEST relief of my LIFE. One minute everything hurt and the next nothing did. My baby was out and lying across my abdomen. A nurse's voice said, "Well, what is it?" and someone else said, "It's a boy!" I wasn't surprised at all, which surprised me. It felt totally natural that I had a son. We had already chosen the name Malachi Michael for a boy.

He was absolutely perfect. I mean it. Every feature was beautiful. His skin was gorgeous. He had barely any hair and his little rosebud lips - oh, who could keep from kissing them? He had no eyebrows, not even a place where eyebrows should be, but he had beautiful blue eyes and long eyelashes. He had the tiniest little fingernails, and long, thin fingers that curled around mine like they were created just for me. He was seven pounds exactly, and twenty inches. He was perfect, perfect.

So now here we are - my beautiful baby boy has grown into a gorgeous big boy. He's such an amazing little person! Malachi is helpful and thoughtful and talented and smart. And he's halfway to when I'm supposed to be ready to let him go. I won't be ready. I just can't fathom that I could ever be ready for him to leave my cozy, safe, loving nest where he fits just right. I love him!

I have mostly been doing just fine with this Birthday, until we were having his little party yesterday, and Mom & I had brought out the cake and the ice cream, and we were about to light the candle. I met Lynette's eyes and she said, and she really meant it, "Nine! Can you believe he's nine?" I turned to the cake and tears welled in my eyes. No! I want to say, I can't! He can't already be nine years old! Please, somebody tell me that the next nine years won't go as quickly as the first nine did! Tell me that something will change in me, in our relationship, in him . . . and that I'll be ready for him to go. It hurts so much to even think of it now that I don't even want to think of what it will be like when it actually happens! My prayer today, as April 2, 2007 is coming to an end, is that I can carry this feeling every day. That each day I wake up and remember how short the time is, even when Mr. Wonderful Malachi has a pouty attitude about something I've said no to. That my devotion to shaping his character is stronger than my irritation with the mess he leaves on the bedroom floor. That my OWN character develops so that I am a really good example to him.

I really, really love you, Malachi.