and He loves me, too!

So believe it or not, because I hardly can, I'm still reading through the Bible chronologically. I started out in the New Testament in July of last year and when I got to Revelation, I continued on - in Genesis. I've tried so many times to read through the Bible but I always started in Genesis, and by Leviticus I was propping my eyelids open. I do read in my bed at night but still, it was ridiculous. I thought I was doomed to never have read the whole thing as a piece. Well, starting in the New Testament made all the difference for me. Something about knowing what all the Old Testament craziness was leading up to just has made it so much more interesting to read.

Anyway, I'm in 2 Samuel now, and there's been a lot of drama between Saul and David. The house of Saul keeps getting smaller and weaker and the house of David more powerful until ultimately, Saul dies and David truly becomes King. Now, I have to admit that I've never been much on history or war or things like that. All the names and order of things just lose me - now who does that guy belong to? Whose wife is that? Why do they hate each other so much, again? It's just a lot to follow.

One thing that really DID stand out to me though is that as I read all of this, in my mind it sort of plays like a movie where Saul's the bad guy and David's the good guy. I'm an Einstein, I know. Anyway. I was thinking about all of this in the shower this morning. And by the way, allow me to sidetrack and tell you that when I woke up this morning Canaan needed to pee so I took him, and since Alif was in the shower I reached Canaan's hands in there to wash them, and my husband was taking a cool shower. Not freezing, but not at all warm. How could he stand it? Ok so in my nice HOT shower, I was thinking about all the fighting and everything between the Israelites and the Philistines and how darn that Saul, couldn't he just listen to the Lord?

Then I realized something. Maybe Saul WAS the bad guy. I don't know, I can't judge his heart. But what I can know absolutely, 100%, is that God loved him desperately. It grieved Him to have to allow Saul to go to his own destruction. As much as I long to be like David, there's certainly some Saul in me. How thankful I am that He loves me, longs for me, even when I'm not listening. And that he responds immediately when I reach out to Him and ask for help. Our God is so complex. There is so much to learn. But His love is unfailing, all-encompassing, and that I can know for sure.