Dear Graham 2010

11 years ago today I thought I might be in labor, even though it was one week before my due date.  I was - you were my only baby to come early!  You were born 12/4/99, face-up and purple, but healthy as can be.  7 pounds 12 ounces and 21 inches of pure bliss.  You were an easy baby right from the start, son.  You seriously slept pretty much every minute of the day - to the point that I became worried and asked the doctor if it was normal.  He said you'd wake up around two weeks, and you did.

Until this year, I haven't had a terribly difficult time with any of your Birthdays, Graham.  With a brother 20 months ahead of you, I've been prepared each time.  At one I thought I would fall apart, but other than misty eyes, I was really just excited to see you smash your first cake and loved watching you take your first steps - to Papa, for some Cheetos.

All this time I've seen you as my baby.  I know, it's kind of weird since I've had two babies since I had you, but you were my baby for 3.5 years after Malachi, and you just sort of always held that place in my heart.

But now?  At eleven years old?  It's undeniable.  You're growing up.  I long for the days that our days were spent reading books, nursing, cuddling with fuzzy, doing crafts, going to storytime.

But at the same time, precious, my heart leaps to see you grow.  This year has been absolutely incredible.  We found out that you have a special set of skills and personality traits known as Asperger's, and we're all understanding one another so much more now.  You met a counselor and bonded with him from the very first meeting, and several months in to counseling and neurotherapy, I feel like I'm getting my Grammy back.  You talk to us more, you enjoy life more, you're more confident, and you're making friends!

You are brilliant.  You are creative and sensitive and hilarious.  You are generous and giving and your sense of justice is amazing.  I am so proud of you, son.  I love you.  I LOVE you! 

Happy Birthday, Nay-nay.  You're mama's big boy!