Most of the time, I only feel like "ugh, Asperger's sucks" when Graham's having a Really Bad Day. This means he is annoying everyone, having very little impulse control, taking forever to do the smallest tasks, fighting every single transition (what, wearing the same shirt 4 days in a row isn't okay? oh, it's time to leave - let me use the restroom, gather my belongings, walk around the house, anything but actually head toward the door). Things that make *my* life hard. Things that make the other kids' lives hard.
Tonight was another "ugh, Asperger's sucks" moment but for a completely different reason. We drove Malachi to a friend's house to spend the night, and a few minutes into the ride home Graham said, "I wish I had someone to invite me to sleepovers and parties." :*(
If only I could just will other children to see Graham the way I see him! If only they could see how creative he is, how generous, how brilliant. If only they could draw him out and hear his funny stories. I know that God will bring someone along who will understand Graham, because I have prayed from before my kids were born that they would have Godly friends. I know God wants Graham to have fellowship with the saints, so I absolutely know He will not leave Graham without real fellowship. I just wish I knew if that will ever include a friend outside our family.
We talked a little bit about how we might be able to develop some friendships. We talked about "the best way to have a friend is to be one" and discussed some easy conversation starters. Caris counted out loud the friends she has made at her enrichment classes and Graham asked her how does she do that. LOL She said, "I ask them if they'd like to play with me and they say yes." He said, "where are you when you do that?" I told him maybe he could talk to someone who's sitting near him and gave him some ideas about what he might say.
To further my heartbreak, when I put the kids to bed and Graham prayed, he said, "Dear God, thank you for our day today and that Malachi gets to spend the night with (his friend)." *Wow*. To have a hurt about something lacking in one's life and then to be so thankful that one's brother does have that thing? THAT is the Graham *I* know.
oooh friend {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{big gigantic hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful boy!
ReplyDeleteaw, what a sweet heart. i will pray for a friend for him too!
ReplyDeleteoh, Emily... :(
ReplyDeleteBut you're so right, God will provide for him in this. I'll pray for that special friend that your wonderful boy so deserves!
Oh, Emily, what a big heart your boy has. I hope others will see and appreciate his sweet spirit.
ReplyDeleteEmily, Graham is one of the most creative, generous and special boys I know. He is truly one of Ellie's favorite people, too bad she is a girl because she would have him over for a sleep over tomorrow! I will be praying that God provides a special friend for him!
ReplyDeleteWhat a neat heart Graham has! The Lord has never failed to bring me friendships when I have asked Him, so I know He will hear Graham's prayers (and everyone else's who is praying). That was awesome how you counseled your son with conversation starters, etc. Way to go Mom!
ReplyDeleteOh Emily since I am new to your blog I had no idea you had a child with Asperger's. What a trial for you and for Graham. Your heart must hurt as a mother to see his hurt, and my heart hurts for you both. But I KNOW that Asperger's children have VERY special gifts that other children do not and I pray he will find a friend that will see and love one of those things about him! I love your heart through your writing =)
ReplyDeleteOh this makes my heart hurt too. I will pray for your boy.
ReplyDeleteOh, Emily! I just saw your post about the diagnosis. I hope it has been a relief just to know for sure one way or the other, so you can help Graham in the way that he needs. He is such a sweet boy, and so blessed to have you as his mom!! I know he will find his tribe! (I have a friend whose husband has Asperger's and they have three beautiful children who adore their daddy.)
ReplyDeleteAnd, I don't know if it helps at all, but I've got a few quirky kids who drive me crazy with the same kinds of things you mentioned, and they have no official excuse! ;)
Oh my gosh Emily! First, I had no idea Graham had Asperger's and secondly, I had never even thought about the kind of mommy heartbreak that could entail. Even when my kids have trouble "fitting in" I worry, I fret, I pray. I will be thankful tonight that Graham has a wonderful mommy like you and a wonderful family that loves him and I will be praying for his future soulmates. BIG HUGS AND LOVE FOR YOU AND GRAHAM!!!! P.S. He can spend the night here anytime!
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