Moan, groan, boo.

As if Canaan weren't having a hard enough time already, his yesterday stunk too.

Before I tell you what happened, I have to tell you that my friend Lynette is most vigilant about Caris' peanut allergy. Her home is completely safe for Caris - so much so that she literally locks her peanut butter inside a cabinet so that no one will accidentally get it out when Caris is around, and she's even been known to bleach her counters after making pb&j for her own kids, even when we're not around. She gets how dangerous this peanut allergy really is.

So Canaan was hanging out with us in the music center since he hates the nursery and also because a bad stomach bug was making its rounds through the VBS kids and I didn't want him in there exposed to that. Lynette busted out a granola bar and read that it may contain traces of peanuts, and I told her it was still ok to give Canaan a piece. I have given him things a couple times that may have been exposed to nuts or whatever and he's been fine, though I haven't given him flat-out peanut stuff before. A few minutes after he ate a tiny piece, his face started to look red and splotchy. I started to feel a little bit of fear brewing - what if he's allergic to nuts too? What if he's coming down with this awful flu? Lynette read the granola bar package again and said, "Oh Emily, it has peanut flour." So now she's feeling bad about this, and it completely was NOT her fault. I gave her the go-ahead on it.

When we got home I gave him some Benadryl and put him down for a nap. The rash looked about the same when he got up, so I started to think it might be a virus. I gave him another dose before our evening VBS program. By the time the program was over, the rash not only looked the same on his face, it had spread to his arms and the back of his neck. When we got home I called the nurse line through our insurance, and the nurse asked me a million bajillion questions and finally determined that it was probably an allergic reaction and we better call our doctor for a treatment plan. I did, and he told us to go immediately to an urgent care or emergency room. I found an urgent care still open (we made it less than 10 minutes before they closed, bless their hearts) and the doctor there looked him over. He said, "It's an allergic reaction." I told him what he'd eaten and he said yes, to just keep an eye on him, keep giving him Benadryl every 6 hours, that it will take 2-3 days for the allergen to leave his system and that if he develops difficulty breathing we need to call 911 or head to the emergency room.

So anyway, when we got home I went right to bed and took him with me - who could put their child in a crib in the next room over when he might start to wheeze at any moment and need emergency care? I thought I wouldn't sleep one little bit, I was so worried about my baby. I did finally go to sleep though, and guess what I woke up to at 1 am? THUMP. My baby fell out of the bed. The very high bed. Onto the hardwood floor.

He cried, of course, but stopped quickly once we laid back down and nursed. He fell asleep within minutes. I, however, laid there freaking out. Completely freaking out. My heart was going crazy, I was having trouble breathing, my chest was tight - oh my gosh. I remembered what my counselor told me last year when I was having so many panic attacks and started deep breathing and letting my body relax. I was able to calm down and go back to sleep, this time with my arm *around* the baby, but man. I don't know. This week was awesome but it was a lot of work, and coupled with these things that keep on happening to Canaan, it was just all too much.

Canaan still has the rash today. I don't WANT to be dealing with this again. I don't WANT my child to have to be careful and worried and singled out due to his allergy. Alif, on the other hand, took it in stride. "We're already aware of how to handle this. We're already a peanut-free home." He's a good voice of reason, but I'm still bummed. I will ask the doctor on Monday to call in a RAST test to determine whether it really was the peanut flour that caused this.

If you feel like praying for my son, I would really appreciate it!!