A couple summers ago I tried a self-tanning lotion. It worked, and I had a golden (not orange or splotchy) tan all summer long, without all the harmful rays or the heat or the actual TIME it would take to get a real tan. I didn't do it last year, probably because I had a newborn and was too busy admiring his brown skin to work on my own fakey-brown.
Remember this ridiculous picture of my insanely white legs? Yeah, it was time to do something about this. I went to Target and got some tanning spray. Man, it was hard to decide what to get. Has the self-tanning industry really changed so much in just a couple short years? Pretty much there were two choices: lotions that tan gradually or sprays. I didn't want to use a lotion that would tan me so gradually that maybe by next summer I might not blind everyone. The spray seemed a little risky, though. Would I be able to get it on nice and even?
I went ahead and gave it a go on Saturday night. Sprayed it right on, just like the directions said to. I held off on my arms and face and just did my legs. It dried within 5 minutes as promised, and I looked forward to seeing my bronzed legs first thing in the morning, since it takes 2-4 hours to activate.
I went to sleep thinking of my friend Kim telling me about her cousin's awful self-tanning experience, wherein she was covered in splotches and hives and was very, very orange. I was sure nothing of the sort would happen to me.
When I woke up on Sunday there were no hives and I was not orange. I was, in fact, brown and white STRIPED. And my ankles were brown and white splotched. What could I do but laugh? Two weeks of looking like this? Thank God for pants, even if it is supposed to be over 100 almost all week.
We went swimming on Sunday for about an hour. At the end of the swim, I was no longer part of the zebra-tan community. The tan washed off. In one one-hour swim.
Good stuff, that tanning spray.