Sunday, July 20, 2008


I'm sure you've all seen the video of The Last Lecture by now. Well, my Dad got me the book. Several months ago. I just couldn't bring myself to read it. I expected to finish the book and feel sad and depressed, and I just haven't been able to face that.

Last week I finally got around to reading it. It's just a little book. Quick and easy to read, and surprisingly uplifting. There were definitely parts that brought tears to my eyes, but when I got to the end I felt something very different from the depression I expected.

You might expect this guy to teach you something about how to live life - you know, *really* live it. After all, he's facing an untimely death and leaving little children and a wife behind. It's not the timing most of us would choose. What I took away though was just sheer inspiration.

Ever since September 3, 2007, I have been living at least part of every day as if I am dying. Doesn't that sound bizarre? It does to me and I've lived it. That was the day my heart went into an arrhythmia and scared me out of my wits. That and a couple other events around that time sent me into some bad, bad anxiety. Panic attacks, generalized anxiety, the whole shebang. It was a horrible and awful few months there, and my counselor assured me that what I was feeling was quite normal. I haven't had a single problem with arrhythmia since that day and would to God that I never will again. Besides being very overweight, I have no health problems.

Then you look at this guy. Randy Pausch is going to die. The type of cancer he has is mean and nasty and he probably has a very short time left. He is unlikely to see his kids grow up or honestly even have another birthday. And yet he lives. This guy seriously makes the most out of every day. He does whatever he has the strength to do - bike riding, weight lifting, obviously playing with his kids etc. I'm living and breathing and acting like a dying person. He's dying and acting like he's got years of good health left.

In church today I was really enjoying worship. You know how sometimes the songs the worship team has chosen are just dead on? That's how it was for me today. Every song was like it was chosen for my own private worship session.

I glanced over and there was a lady in the first row sitting between two people who looked like they were maybe her grown children. Everyone else was standing, and this lady sat looking beautiful in a silky dress draping gracefully from her thin shoulders. The sleeves trembled as the lady shifted uncontrollably. Back and forth, front and back. She clasped her hands as if in an effort to stop the tremors, but they raged on. Her arms wouldn't rest. And yet she worshiped. In the front row.

I have so much to learn.


  1. i hear you, i have so far to go. but thank God we serve a gracious God right? God has been speaking to me about living in the now instead of waiting until later to enjoy the things he has blessed us with......

  2. I read about this guy. So sad, and yet so inspiring.
    What a scary situation you went through! That would for sure give a person a new outlook. That must have been the good God sent you out of your awful experience.

    by the way, about your post before this, I am SO excited to see what you do with your bedroom! your home sounds so beautiful, and I bet your room will turn out just gorgeous.

  3. The Last Lecture is so inspiring. I wish I could have so much enthusiasm and love for this life. Beautiful blog. I have felt like everything that you have said here at one point or another. I hear sermons and read the Bible, the hard part is applying it in my life each and every day. Have a good week =)