Poor Canaan. I nursed him as usual tonight and carried him gently up the stairs. Laid him down in his nice cozy crib and - he wailed. The second he felt his toe touch the sheet he let loose. I patted his back - "it's okaaaaay, it's okaaaaay . . . night night, baby . . . "
I walked out and wanted to cry. It's SO unnatural to walk away from a crying baby. They're *designed* to cry when they need us. My arms are here for him.
But I need sleep. And so does he. When he wakes several times in the night, as he has done the last two nights, he takes very long afternoon naps. Which means he is totally missing out on the fun.
I came downstairs and e-mailed my sister - probably something completely incoherent - and then went up to cuddle him. As I lifted him out of his bed, he pointed with his whole hand at his bed, like it was a horrible offender. I had a flashback to all the times he's happily pointed out all the cute little bears on his sheet and wondered if they'd gone awry tonight and caused him stress.
I put him on Caris' bed with her and ran to my room for a solid blue sheet. Why are his sheets in my room? Because I stink at washing, folding and putting away all the laundry, that's why. I recently turned every stitch of the boys' laundry over to them so maybe that will help.
After I ripped off the monster-bear sheets I nursed mister again. And I laid him down again. Only this time, halfway through the lay-down he stiffened and cried. Loudly. My resolve was melting. I can't take it. I hate hearing him cry.
I came downstairs and pumped while watching Nashville Star. Felt very proud of the mama of 5 boys who recently lost 70 pounds and is gorgeous and can SO sing. And guess what? When I shut off the pump I realized there was a sound of NO crying.
Wouldn't you think I would be like, YAY! Well, I kind of was but mostly I had the almost irresistible urge to run up those stairs, gather my most sweetest of baby boys and take him right into my bed with me. That would make completely perfect sense, right??
I know. It's why I'm here writing to you, to avoid my neurosis.
And in other news, while I was - hmm, I don't actually know where - my dog stole a Granny Smith apple from my counter and devoured it on the living room area rug. I totally craved Granny Smith apples when I was pregnant with Caris. Let's hope nothing strange is going on with Moxy.
Oh Emily, this was me up until Aubrey was about 5 months old. I was in DESPERATE need of sleep so I started the cycle of the SCREAMING baby in crib. After about 5 nights, it got SOOOOO much better and I was so much happier. She still would occasionally end up with us, but she slept much better in her crib. Now she begs for her crib when she's tired. She points to it and says, "Bed NOW". You're doing Canaan a favor and yourself eventhough the sound of a crying baby KILLS me too.
ReplyDeleteOn that note, The Bridge Bunch (pretty much all of them) are very disciplined baby sleep trainers and will tell me to put their babies down in nursery and let them fuss until they go to sleep. I'm a bad influence on those good sleeping babies though because I can only deal with it for about 7 minutes before I "rescue" them with cuddles :) I'm a sucker!
Yeah, I am not a fan of crying it out. At all. All of my babies just naturally learned to sleep through the night very early and very young. We did let Malachi cry when we moved into a new house. He was 6 months old and got totally thrown off his sleeping when we moved, and so I just let him cry. It only took 45 minutes the first night, 15 the next and 5 the next. I know Canaan won't have a problem learning if I let him cry but I tell you what. The older I get and the more babies I have, I see how precious this time really is. They grow SO quickly and before you know it they don't want anything to do with nursing or sleeping in your bed or any of that. Almost every night Canaan goes to sleep in his own bed fine, and either sleeps through or wakes up once, nurses and finishes out the night with me. I'm totally fine with that. I'm not fine when I put him in his bed and he cries, though. I have to at least have the first part of the night. I like to lie in bed and read, visit with Alif, whatever, and I can't do that if he's next to me.
ReplyDeletePoor Mommy and C...
ReplyDeleteoh emily you are so sweet and cute. and you are right, time flies so quickly...soak it up while you can!
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